Someone Else Entirely
I've been working with a friend to put together a show for this Saturday night, for the launch of the 52 Pick-Up truckstop playing cards at the Red Rattler. I haven't done a show onstage in over a year now. I wrote this to my friend when I was thinking about it at work today:
It's a bit funny- I haven't performed onstage in so so long, and the last stage persona I had was such a sweet little pop & bounce thing, it's a challenge to be pulling out this vampy grown-up character opposite a big king, masculine partner. It's fun but strange. Rehearsing is weird. I've been feeling silent and antisocial lately and it's odd to take off my gardening boots and put on stripper heels, rehearse these movements in that headspace. I'm enjoying the strangeness of it all. Also, I've lately been feeling a lot less 'decoratively femme' than usual, so assembling this decoratively femme character to go onstage is a lot more deliberate, less created out of playfulness and personal desire. I'm not rehearsing to be 'me plus stage volume', I'm rehearsing to be someone else entirely.
I had to write a blurb for a photo of me that's on a playing card today, as well, and had sent through to me a link to an academic article (PDF) I was interviewed for two or more years ago. It's been a funny day of seeing myself through other people's eyes, through the media I am represented in. I feel a bit off about it all, itchy and unconvinced. I'm sure it'll pass.