More or less than

Brisbane gets wierder every time I visit the place, I think. Spent a day in half-sunshine on Bribie Island which was probably required after the endless, ridiculous rainfall of the farm (blue sky! Sunscreen! Incredible!) but I can't say the experience was especially marvellous aside from that. We're back at the farm briefly before heading home, which makes me think of all sorts of platitudes like you can never really go back. It's true, of course, I can't go back to the time I was having before I left, but I retain some hope of still finding something positive here to carry back down the coast with me.

The wierdest part about leaving was exploring a bit of Surfer's Paradise and Coolangatta- my god- the 80's memorialised forever in ridiculous sky-scrapers and blue concrete horrors. Some parts of Australia spin me right out.

I am so late with this, but it's not quite my birthday yet so the period of reflection still applies I suppose. Here is my year in review, stolen directly from the Infopimp. First illustration is morning glory in Coolangatta, second is a green friend I found a moment ago while out picking cabbage for dinner.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Learnt to garden, and how to make rubber fetishwear.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year- Vegetarianism: Yes, apart from a small, rare, medically necessary seafood allowance. Perform at Gurlesque: Yes! Wrote smut: Yes. Made souffle: No. Learnt how to use a sewing machine: Made progress, but not proficient quite yet.
This year- To do things even though I fear looking foolish for being bad at them: yoga, playing pool, riding a bike, driving a car.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes, my aunt added to my already large extended family.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes- sorely missed.

5. What countries did you visit? I saw more of Australia than I ever have before, and loved (almost) all of it.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? Less armour, greater permeability, openness without excessive vulnerability.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Julie's service for the freezing wind and so many of us mourning together.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? My garden, a collection of harnesses and belts and beautiful rubber objects, standing up for myself, and a sense of peace.

9. What was your biggest failure? Accepting for far too long things that weren't good for me or for anybody else involved.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Weeks and weeks of dreadful, ongoing flu in the worst, most horrid winter I can recall living through.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My rubberworking tools and my gardening kit.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? All the queers surviving, and doing a damned fine job of it, in the face of what sometimes seem like impossible odds.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? The bastards who stole my chili plant from my front yard, covered in beautiful purple chilies on the verge of being ready for harvest.

14. Where did most of your money go? Rent, the garden, nights out.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Gardening & growing things

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Cheated Hearts, and also the entire Shortbus soundtrack.

17.a) Happier or sadder? Happier, but more knowledgeable, which is not a simple thing.
b) Thinner or fatter? Who knows? I don't weigh myself. Clothes fit fine so much the same I guess.
c) Richer or poorer? A little poorer cash-in-hand but getting to good places in paying off debts, so all up, coming out even.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Play of the kink variety.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Rationalising and internalising things that weren't real, or weren't about me.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Spent it with a few siblings playing at grown-up Christmas without the parents.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? Yes.

22. How many one-night stands? This is a definitions problem. Do the ones I wound up dating count? How about the ones that didn't last a whole night? About a handful of fingers' worth, give or take, I guess.

23. What was your favorite TV program? Gardening Australia, but not on the television- hardly turned the thing on this year, and was glad for it.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No.

25. What was the best book you read? Self-Organizing Men, I think- hard to choose just one, but that stands out in my memory.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? The Shortbus soundtrack, and all the artists on it.

27. What did you want and get? A harvest from a garden I built & grew all by myself.

28. What did you want and not get? A dog. Probably for the best.

29. What was your favourite film of this year? Giant transforming robots from outer space!

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 24, dancing at the Sly Fox on far too many pink cocktails with new friends and old ones.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Nothing- my year was exactly what it needed to be to get me to where I am, which is the best place I can imagine being right now.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? I added a strong dose of something tough to the fluffy-femme, and subtracted a lot of the fluffiness. Pinstripes, rubber, studs, rougher edges, harder stares, shorter fingernails, less angst over body hair, more bruised knees and gleefully rough-and-tumble physicality.

33. What kept you sane? The garden, and how unexpectedly physical the process of gardening is. Days of mourning in the rain were spent bare-handed ripping apart the viney weeds in my front garden. Later when I needed it I wore out my muscles lugging bricks and cinder-blocks for raised bed building. Beautiful to be sweaty and exhausting for such a good reason, and to be able to see so clearly the fruits of my labour.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? My stars are all local and in my community, so I couldn't possibly tell you.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? Food, and where it comes from, and what it means.

36. Who did you miss? Julie- so much- she was the one we would have turned to for support and cuddles and smiles and wisdom on the nights we spent remembering her, but of course she wasn't there. I also missed J, and A, but J came home and A will visit again so the missing is not nearly so deep and achey.

37. Who was the best new person you met? Lots of them on the dance floors just past midnight at Tropical Fruits last year- A, and C, and S, and J, and more and more... I am so proud of myself that those friendships were pursued, solidified, and made real.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: Plants, more reliably than people, will tend to reward attention and careful tending.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

The Ark- This Piece Of Poetry Is Meant To Do Harm (from the Shortbus Soundtrack)

You've been watching over me
Saying you're keeping me company
I should be grateful, I suppose
and compare you to a summer's rose

You've been talking sweet to me
about peace and loving harmony
But I know what you say about me
So now I tell you cause I gotta break free

That I can't give you no false affection
I can do without your phony charm
This train ain't moving in your direction
This piece of poetry is meant to do harm

Please don't give me no warm reception
What you call peace to me is a call to arms
Some are singing to raise affection
But this piece poetry is meant to do harm

So with what shall I compare thee?
Summer's clay or winter's sleet?
You made a non-believer out of me,
Now you ask for my sympathy?

No, take your words and take your vows
Take your flake-fuelled buddhist bows
Let the cool winds roughly shake
out all darling buds of fake

I can't give you no false affection
I can do without your phony charm
This train ain't moving in your direction
This piece of poetry is meant to do harm

And don't you give me no warm reception
What you call peace to me is a call to arms
I'm not singing to raise affection
This piece of poetry is meant to do harm