Lessons in Pony
More and more I realise certain truisms about roleplay and headspace: specifically that a situation of high stress, or tension, or bad behaviour will drive me much deeper into 'character' than calmness, rewards, good behaviour. If I cannot reach a goal that my trainer has set for me then the disappointment floods in pony-style, not person-style. I am striving harder for her from that moment, but it's different... I am much more pony after the first time I have failed at something, or I have shyed and tossed from a stranger, or pulled back on my lead rope and stomped, or even just turned my face away from someone and not allowed them to pat me.
She took me out to Hellfire on Friday night, which was always going to be a spooky situation to have a pony in. From the moment we walked in it felt like a battle to keep the pony under control. She had to stand for a while in a queue for something and I huffed, and strained, and stomped about it. She had to leave the queue and walk me back and forth across the floor to calm me down, which was perfect. Other moments that stand out in my mind:
*After she had led me through the crowd and we were on the edge of the dance floor, I was tense and angry because of the jostling and shoving- I looked up and was completely dazzled by a light shining directly into my eyes. I couldn't see her, or anyone for that matter, and I shyed backwards. Stood stock still and refused to move until she came and calmed me. It wasn't remotely a 'person' response, but came completely uncalculated, from pony-space.
*After the stress of wandering the crowd, being led to a quiet corner to sit with her. Sugar cubes and being allowed to sit right down on the ground. I really like the way I move up and down without being able to use my arms for balance. Standing-knees-down seems a very animalistic progression.
*Sitting beside her and leaning over to her cheek, bridled pony-kisses across and around her ear. Fluttering eyelashes against her skin as well.
I remember from my days as Someone's little girl that being in trouble, being told off, throwing a tantrum and being punished, or whatever, drove me much deeper into headspace then as well. From that moment always much more ready to please, less hesitant about being absolutely little.